When I look at this chart of the stages of grief I can’t help but shake my head. Because if you have walked this road you know it’s not as neat as it looks. For some people, yes. Maybe grief takes years in one stage. For others it’s a wave that hits in seconds. And for me I go through all of them; shock, anger, numbness, sadness, searching for meaning, even small glimpses of hope in one single day. Sometimes just in the morning.
Mornings are the hardest. I wake up and for a moment I almost forget and want to call Mum! Then reality slaps me back! She is gone! My mother and my besto. And suddenly I’m in shock again as if I haven’t lived through the days before. A few hours later,l I’m down in the valley, sitting with sadness or guilt. Then maybe later in the day I feel a little lighter like I can breathe again and eat, maybe even catch a glimpse of peace. But then, without warning, I go back down because I wanted to call and find out if she took some water, medicine or even to tell me what foods she ate.
People will tell you to “be strong,” or that “time heals” But does it really? Or we simply learn to live with the facts. They will remind you to hold onto the memories and to cherish the good times. And yes, I know all this! Maybe even better than they do because I live inside this grief. And the truth is, their pain is not my pain. Each grief is different and it’s shaped by the love we carried, the bond we shared, the space that person filled in our lives.
Maybe they think they are lucky that they will never know the pain of missing such love. But grief comes with its own lessons. Ekifa bigyere kikashanga nibaziika omwana omushaija nomukazi bakurira, kiti ebi nibyo nayangire. Death strikes suddenly and that pain is unbearable. That’s the truth a friend told me sometime before even Mum went to meet her creator. And when it happened, these words eoched in my ears.
So if you feel stuck in sadness or if you find yourself circling through all these stages again and again. You are not broken. You are not weak. You are simply grieving. And wherever you are on that curve, you are seen. Your feelings are valid.
TUHAME ❤️
🫂💝