Oh wow… it’s the last day of September and I realized I haven’t written about my birthday. I have been doing series on grief and it didn’t even cross my mind that I should write about my birthday through that lens.
This year, I truly enjoyed my birthday. I was celebrated! I got gifts, a beautiful huge hand bouquet, a cake, laughter, music, dancing, even a band. My husband, my siblings, my in-laws, my children, relatives and friends really made me feel loved. But there was one person missing. The one person who always called me at midnight on the 16th of September.
I went to bed unusually early that night and when I woke up around 2 a.m., I checked my phone. No missed call. No “Happy Birthday” from my mother. Deep down, I knew it wouldn’t come. She’s gone. But still, I felt the sting. That’s the thing about grief it sneaks in when you least expect it. You think you are fine then suddenly, it hits you all over again.
Later, in the middle of the celebration, I remembered how she could always call to ask, “What are you eating? Have you managed to eat meat and big juice?” That’s who she was! Always present even in the little details. That memory overwhelmed me. I excused myself, went into the bathroom and cried. Then I came back out like nothing happened. A little later, it happened again. The tears just wouldn’t stay away. I didn’t the same thing.
But then, something beautiful happened. I don’t know if my sisters and my brother talked but yeah! I received money for my birthday from her phone number. Receiving that hit me in a different way. It was like she was still part of my day.
I enjoyed my birthday, yes. I laughed, danced and felt celebrated. But it was also different. It carried both joy and ache. I lost my “besto,” my mother, my greatest cheerleader. And while she is no longer here, her memory is stitched into every part of me.
Maybe writing these grief stories is my way of healing. Or maybe it’s just my way of honoring her life and the love she gave me. Either way, she still lives in my words, my memories and my heart.
TUHAME ❤️
