Honestly, I freeze. I no longer know how to react when someone loses someone. It’s like my brain knows I should say something but my mouth refuses to cooperate. Maybe it’s because I have been there that I felt that kind of loss and I remember how none of the words people said ever really helped. So now when it’s my turn to speak comfort, I just… don’t know how.
My mind races: “Say something, Leah, say something.” But what can I possibly say? I think of all those phrases people use “All things happen for a reason,” “She is in a better place,” “Time heals all wounds.” And I just can’t. None of them make sense. Like really? A better place? Here we are, left to struggle in this cruel world and they are “better off”? Why would they leave us behind then? Or time will heal does it, really? Or does time just teach us how to carry pain quietly?
And yet, people feel like they must say something. Some open their mouths so carelessly, turning another person’s grief into a story about their own: “When I lost my…” like please, not today. It’s not about you. Then there are those who stay completely mute, maybe feeling the same confusion I do. Silence feels wrong but talking sometimes feels worse.
Even the phrase “I’m sorry for your loss” hits differently now. Sorry? Did you cause it? It’s not your fault so what are you sorry for? But then again, what else can you say? There are no words that make it lighter. There just aren’t.
I’m learning slowly that sometimes presence speaks louder than any sentence. A quiet hug, sitting next to someone without forcing words. That is what feels real. Still every time I’m faced with loss ie mine or someone else’s I find myself saying a small prayer before I speak;
“Lord, guide me. Teach me what to say and what not to say. Help me comfort without carelessness, and if words fail me, let my silence be gentle enough to still bring peace.”
Because really, may we be guided on what to say and what not to say.
TUHAME ❤️
