The Relatives Who Never Call but Say “You are Lost!”

There’s something deeply beautiful about relatives who genuinely stay in touch! The ones who call out of the blue just to check on you. They ask how you are doing, how your spouse is managing, whether the children recovered from the flu or if that job you applied for finally came through. They know your children by name, not just by number. They even ask how your in-laws are, showing concern that goes beyond your household.

To those relatives, we see you, we love you and we celebrate you. You are the golden thread in the fabric of our family. You outshine the rest. You don’t wait for parties or burials to prove family exists. You show up not just in person but emotionally, mentally and spiritually. You remind us that blood should be more than biology and it should be connection.

But oh yeah! Today, let’s lament!
Let’s talk about those other relatives. You know them? The ones who haven’t called, texted or checked in since who knows when? And yet at the next wedding or funeral, they will throw their arms around you dramatically and say, “You’re lost!” Really? Am I lost? Or have you simply never looked for me?

They say that communication is a two way street but some relatives seem to think it’s a one way expressway with you as the driver, conductor and fuel supplier. They never initiate a call, never send a message, never react to your milestones or heartbreaks yet they expect to be updated, included and remembered.
And maybe you are asking, “Well, why don’t you call them instead?” That’s a fair question. And yes sometimes we don’t. But here’s the thing; relationships even within families need mutual effort to survive. Reaching out should not always fall on one side. If we are truly family shouldn’t it feel like a shared rhythm rather than a one man band?

Maybe we should just say it plainly;
Some relatives are only meant to be seen at burials and parties. They are seasonal, temporary and ceremonial. They won’t check your status, send you a “Hi,” or care when your child starts school or your parent falls ill. But at every event they will be the loudest about how “You don’t show up anymore.”
Let’s not pretend. Let’s not pressure people into pretending either. Some family ties are thin and that’s okay. We can acknowledge it. We can wave politely at those relatives, take the selfies, share a meal and not feel guilty about not being close. It’s not bitterness but it’s boundaries.

Then there’s the funny twist! Some of those same relatives might only reach out when they need money. “Hey relative, hope you are well. I have a small problem…”
You already know how that message ends. Now don’t get it wrong, helping family is good. It’s noble. It’s love. But when someone only remembers your number when there’s mobile money involved, it’s not a relationship but a transaction.
And still, we laugh about it because maybe, just maybe you carry a “Bill Gates smell.” A scent of perceived wealth. The aroma of possibility. 😂But jokes aside, let’s normalize something in our families;
Let’s normalize calling without a reason.
Let’s normalize being present when nothing is happening.
Let’s normalize relationships beyond ceremonies and crises.

And if we can’t do that, let’s at least stop saying “You’re lost” when we see each other again because maybe, just maybe we are not the lost ones. We are the ones still standing, still showing up in our small circles, still carrying love, responsibility and connection in a world that often forgets how important those are.
Oh yeah! Today we lament but with clarity, courage and a call to do better.

TUHAME ❤️