Even when we know death is coming and we have even seen the signs, heard the doctors’ words or prepared ourselves with prayer and courage! It still shocks us. Death has a way of pulling the ground right from under your feet. And when it arrives without warning, the impact is even deeper, leaving us breathless, disoriented and trying to make sense of a world that has suddenly changed.
Someone we loved is no longer here in their physical form. Everything shifts. Yes, everything from the way you used to eat to how you would think about life.
Grief is not something we simply get over. It is something we slowly integrate. It is a process of coming into relationship with a new truth that the person we loved is gone and yet somehow love remains. This process can’t be rushed. Our souls move slowly and much more slowly than the rest of life.
You may hear people say, “I still can’t believe it’s true.” That disbelief is the soul’s way of catching up. The outer world moves on so quickly! There are calls to make, funeral arrangements to attend, clothes to sort, belongings to pack, Wills to sign and endless papers to process. Death certificates. Burial permits. Legal documents that make everything painfully official. Each paper you sign whispers the same truth; They are really gone.
And yet, your heart may still be standing back at the moment of death, unable to move.
Our science tells us we are healthy when body and soul walk together. But in grief, the two part ways. The body keeps moving, doing what must be done. The soul lingers behind, mourning, remembering and refusing to let go too fast.
What sacred death care offers and what I am learning to practice, is the art of slowing down. Of allowing the body and soul to travel at the same speed again which most of the days can’t be achieved. But through ritual, reflection and gentle pauses, we can give ourselves permission to integrate loss one small breath at a time. Here you ask yourself how? And yeah, anyhow…lol
Because grief is not a task to complete.
It’s a sacred journey, one that asks for time, tenderness and truth.
TUHAME ❤️
